I tried out Tumblr, etc. Didn't dig it. Maybe this one will feel a little more like Blurty. Miss you, Blurty.

I didn't sleep well last night. My mind was packed full of weird-o dreams. Either I need to stop eating fruit before bed, or go see a psychiatrist for Jung-ian discussions about my brain's innards, because it's starting to freak me out a bit. I wish I could remember the dreams better, then I'd write them down. And everyone would see what a nutjob I am when I'm unconscious. They leave me with the unsettling feeling of having missed something really kickass, and only remembering a tiny tiny bit. Glimpses. Photographs.

Time off all next week. I'm going to sleep late. Swim in the pool, maybe even at night. Read a gazillion books. Sleep some more. Maybe I will write. I don't know. Rest is in the cards, for sure.

oh and a hair cut. I look like Sedna on a bad day, although I still have my fingers.

I'm eating ripe strawberries. They are the colour of jam, shiny with tiny yellow seeds that crackle between my teeth when I eat them. The middle of the larger strawberries look a little obscene after one bite, but I ignore that and keep eating. They remind me of fresh figs in that way, I always blush a little when I eat those. Wilted green leaves, that sweet taste on the back of my tongue. Firm sweet flesh between my teeth. It's a lovely breakfast.

Sometimes, I wish magic was real. That I could bewitch my coffee maker to make coffee on my command, from my spot on the couch. Or maybe make the garbage take itself out. Something easy like that. But I'm aware that this world is not the one I imagine in my mind. My reality is the same, but I often slip over into Gish-land and get pissy when I see the two don't match up in my expectations.

Time to spend with the dogs. Hard decisions for Marble, Bailey and Beebs. They are all around 15 now and aren't in good shape. I need more time. More grassy afternoons in the park, more waking up to the curled up like a seashell cat next to me. I always want. more. Really can't have it this time.

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abstract_magdalene

June 2011

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